Love Weddings
Wedding Advice

Here at Love Weddings we understand that at times the stresses and strains of planning your wedding can be overwhelming. We are on hand to help though, and if you have a problem we want to help.

Whether you have a relationship problem, the mother in law from hell ,or a query about how to deal with a wedding supplier – send us an email and we give you some frank, honest and constructive advice. And rest assured – if we don’t know the answer, we are bound to know a wedding professional who will.

Email us with your question here

Q

My parents are separated and my Mother has remarried.  To keep the peace with my Mum we have said that my Step-dad can wear the same outfit as my partner, his Dad, my Dad, Best man and Ushers.  However, my Dad has now kicked off saying that my Step-dad shouldn't wear the same.  I don't know what to do, help!!!!

A

I am so sorry to hear of your predicament. Sadly, weddings can bring out lots of emotions in families that can, if you let them, overshadow some of the happiness of your big day.

Is your Dad giving you away? If so, you can explain to him that his role is so important and crucial to your happiness, that it is irrelevant what he, or other members of the bridal party are wearing.

Although he is clearly finding it difficult, it might be a good starting point to explain that ultimately, you wanted everyone to be happy about the plans you have made, and that on this occasion, you need him to accept that the decision has now been made, and it would cause you a great deal of inconvenience and potential upset alround, to start trying to change those plans now.

At the end of the day, the wedding ceremony and the day is actually about you and your future husband, and I hope your Dad is able to accept that this is a very precious and unique time for you, and that for this one day only, it would meant the world to you if everyone could just try to get along – even just for 1 day!

Best of luck and please feel free to conact me again if you have any further questions.

Q

Hi,

I was wondering if you have any tips about how to cope with creating a small, fairly simple wedding on a very tight budget. We can't spend more than £4000 and we're really struggling to find anything at all that might be even vaguely suitable. It will be for about 60 people, and needs to be quite intimate, but I'm really running out of ideas and getting very disheartened about the whole thing.

Do you any big money-saving tips (aside from making our own invitations and going for the register office)?

Please help!

Jo

A

Dear Jo

Thank you for contacting Love Weddings.

Don't despair, there are plenty of ways you can slash your wedding budget and still have a fantastic and memorable day. £4000, if wisely spent is still a considerable amount of money and if you prioritise the things you want the most, it will go a long way.

To start with, have you set a date? If not then look at options other than a Saturday wedding, which are always charged by venues at a premium. Midweek weddings are becoming increasingly popular and that is certainly one way you maybe able to find a venue willing to negotiate a more favourable package for you. Also, if you were to get married later on in the day - say 3pm, you could have a late afternoon / evening reception, which will save you having to cater for your guests twice during the day.

Consider alternative venues. There are so many options other than traditional hotels such as Boats, Marquees, Village Halls and even barns, which can be something really different, and you also have the choice of catering options to more specifically suit your budget.

Make a list of all the things you would like for your wedding, and then prioritise those things which are going to make a REAL difference to your day.

Do you have friends or family who can offer services to help you cut costs? Does anyone you know drive a nice car to take you to and from your service?

As you already mention, there are lots of options for making things for your own wedding, such as stationery, cakes, favours, but look into asking friends and family is they have any specific areas of expertise where they might be able to help.

Don't go overboard with the wedding breakfast. A nice buffet can be just as well received as a sit down meal.

Check out Ebay for wedding bargains, you will be amazed at some of the items you can get on there (and remember to sell them on after your own big day if they are no longer of use to you)

All in all there are dozens of ways you can save money and I am sure you will have a fantastic time if you make some wise choices.

Good luck and please feel free to contact us again if you have any further questions.

Sharon

Q

Could you please explain the pros and cons of:

a) Keeping my own surname after I wed, or

b) Taking my husbands name

I thought about keeping my maiden name as I've been married before and experienced the hassle of changing passport, driving licence and bank accounts etc.  However I'm getting grief from certain members of family and some friends, who believe in the traditional taking of the husbands name.

I could do with the facts to help me make a decision before my wedding in May '06.  Please help.

Thanks in advance.

Ilma

A

Dear llma

Thank you for contacting Love Wedding for advice.

In terms of pros and cons – well that is really a matter of individual choice, but here's my opinion.

Firstly, don't feel under pressure from friends or family. It really is your choice and as it is you who will be living with the name you choose, you have to feel entirely comfortable with it.

It is understandable from your past experience that you may wish to retain your identity by keeping your own name. If you are established professionally or even socially, then you may wish to remain as you are currently known. If you have children from your previous marriage, then it will raise many questions about the names within the family and other decisions which need to be made. More importantly – it needs to be something both you and your partner are able to agree to, as well as something you feel able to commit to. Changing your name will involve a lot of changes – banks, passports, insurance, mortgage, employment are just a few. You can find a full list of the people who need to know here . Changing your name doesn't make you any more or less married – the certificate is the legal contract of your union, and your vows your personal commitment to each other.

There are some advantages of taking your husbands name. Many people feel it is an act of further commitment, and it is following tradition, to adopt their husbands name following the wedding. If you are planning children, you may feel that it is more seamless if everyone in the family has the same name. The status of marriage is not represented by the name you take – more by the legal commitment and the vows you take. Your rights, financial and family obligations remain the same whatever name you choose.

As a compromise have you considered asking your husband to be if you can adopt each others names and both become double barrelled? This is becoming increasingly popular and allows both parties to retain their individuality whilst giving an outward sign of their new marital status.





Q

We are planning to get married in the Bellagio in Las Vegas next year, and would like to inform people and invite them as soon as possible.

We want to word the invites in a way that says we would love you to come but obviously understand if you cannot. Any suggestions.

A

Congratulations!

Are you planning any celebration on your return for those who can't make it?

If so you could put something simple like, “we would love you to come to Vegas to share our special day, on xxxxxxx at xxxxxx but if this isn't possible we hope you will celebrate with us on our return at a party at xxxxxxxx at xxxxxxxx ”

There may be all sorts of reasons why people can't come – time off from work, financial, distance etc, but I think if you have the option of a celebration (however big or small is up to you) on your return then you should be able to keep everyone happy.

Good luck

Sharon

Q

My daughter was supposed to be a bridesmaid in August at her cousins wedding.

There has been a huge family argument and she no longer wants to be a bridesmaid.

As we had to pay for the dress in february (£165) my niece refuses to give me the name and address of the shop she ordered the dresses from and she refuses to return any money I have paid.

Please can you offer me some advice as i cannot afford to lose this amount of money.

Thank you.

A

I am sorry to hear that you are having problems.

My initial thoughts are; is there any way you and your daughter could recover the situation and somehow reconcile with your niece? Obviously I don't know the details of what has occurred, and it does sound as if it is a fairly serious falling out, but at very least it would help if you could get on “speaking terms”

If your niece is not willing to tell you where she ordered the dress from, I take it there has been no dress fittings so far, which is going to make it difficult for you to track it down, and even then, it is doubtful that the supplier would refund you, as the money sounds like it would have been paid by your niece. If you have paid her the full amount, and there is no way of overcoming this dispute, then I would suggest you try to explain to her in a letter that you are really sorry that things haven't worked out, and that you would like to talk to her about how to recover some of the money you have lost, and explain the problems this will cause you if you lose this money.

At very least, if you actually get the dress from her, then you can resell it, but it is unlikely that you would recover more than a percentage of the cost. There is still time to resolve this one way or another, but the key is , remain calm and try to discuss it without falling out again. Do you have a relative who is not involved in the family argument who could mediate for you in order to prevent any further stress all round, as this is often a really good way of opening communications?

Good luck

Sharon

Q

How do I word a postponement after we have only sent the save the date card?

A

It would depend on the circumstances of your postponement, and how far away your planned wedding day was.

I think a frank and honest explanation, even if not too detailed, is probably the best way. It will prevent people from "wondering" what might have happened.

Something along the lines of the paragraph below should be sufficient to get your message across in a polite and meaningful way.

"As you know, we were planning to get married on xxxxxxx and very much wanted you to share our special day. Unfortunately our plans have now changed due to xxxxxxxxxxxx and we have had to postpone the wedding. We really hope this hasn't caused you any inconvenience and that you will still be able to be with us on (either new date - or as soon as we have arranged a new date)"

Q

My fiancé and I are hoping to go to the South of France for our Honeymoon - we ideally wanted to combine 4 or 5 nights in a nice hotel on the French Rivera with 10 days in a cottage/villa slightly inland - such as Provence or Lanquedoc-Roussillon so that we can explore the beautiful medieval villages and countryside.

We thought a cottage would be ideal as it will give us some privacy and the whole idea seems really romantic to me.

Our problem is trying to find cottages/villas for 2 people! Almost all the brochures I've looked at (which include Cresta/French Life/French Country Cottages...) seem to cater for larger groups and small cottages with only one or two bedrooms seem few and far between.

All the specialist honeymoon brochures we've looked at seem to be geared at exotic locations.

Do you know of any companies that specialise in romantic breaks/honeymoons to this part of Europe ?

Tina Routley

A

Tina, ok, I can see your problem, as booking your honeymoon for self catering accommodation through most of the larger travel operators attracts many supplements when there is only two of you traveling. But there is nothing to stop you looking for independent holiday accommodation which should meet your needs a bit better.

A quick search on Google for "small holiday cottage Languedoc " brought up a gem of a site click here to visit and scroll down the page a little to see the first result –a lovely 1 bedroomed cottage

“Small detached villa set quietly just outside Aniane village, with good local shops and a weekly market. Sharing a swimming pool with four other properties, it has its own private terrace for sunbathing”

I checked the prices and they included ferry crossing and seemed very reasonable to me.

There are dozens more similar sites online so it might be worth “shopping around” until you find the property which is perfect for you.

Q

We're marrying on 15th October, 2005 and we have just been sent our "Save the Date" cards.  However, we're reluctant to send them just yet as my H2B's contract has just come to an end and we're not sure how long it will be until he gets another one.  It may be that we're going to have to either cancel or put back the wedding if nothing comes up soon.   

How late can "save the date" cards be sent out?

Many thanks.

Sarah

A

You must be feeling very disappointed at the prospect of canceling or postponing your wedding – sorry to hear you are facing this dilemma.

We firmly believe that Save the Date cards should only be sent out once you are sure that

a) you are committed to marrying on that date

and

b) you are 100% certain that you will be inviting the people you have asked to “save the date” to your wedding

I am sure your guests would be sympathetic if the date of your wedding changed due to unforeseen circumstances at the last minute, but if you are in any doubt about the date at this moment, we suggest that you wait a little while. Hopefully your husband to be will get another contract very soon, and then you can send your save the dates out. As formal invitations normally get posted 6 weeks before the actual wedding day, it would be pointless sending out save the dates less than 10 weeks before the big day. However that still leaves you loads of time.

Alternatively you could send out something very informal along the lines of “we hope to be marrying on 15 th October 2005 and if we do we would love you to save the date”.

Q

Hi

I am bridesmaid for my best friends wedding in the Dominican republic and she's asked me to transport both dresses over so that her fiancé won't catch a glimpse!!

They are not huge but has anyone got any suggestions of the best way to avoid creases and get them there safely?

Thank you

Caroline

A

Dear Caroline

Firstly, lucky you!

And secondly - I think I have found the answer to your problem. The Empty Box Co supplies a box specifically designed for transporting a wedding dress. Despite it's sturdy construction, it is also a really beautiful storage box and is the ideal place to store the dress after the wedding day.

Click here to see the gorgeous designs available in several sizes. There are also instructions on the site for how to fold the gowns to best store and transport them.

Finally, if you are ordering one of the boxes which will not fit in the overhead locker on the flight, be sure to hand it in at the last minute and explain that it contains a wedding dress and is very precious cargo!

Have a great time

Q

Looking for a suitable dragonfly for wedding cake and biscuit cutter in dragonfly shape.

Thank you

Rachel


A

I wasn't sure from your email what type of dragonfly you wanted for your wedding cake, but I though a really nice and original idea would be to have a crystal or beaded dragonfly hand made on wire as a cake topper. A great place to start with this would be one of the many talented jewellery or tiara makers in our directory here, but one who springs to mind as already making crystal “critters” is the lovely Nichola at www.atiara4u.com

I found two great cookie cutters, for £4.50 and £2.50 , both dragonfly shaped available to order online.

Happy baking!

Q

Can you please let me know if it the 'done thing' to ask for money instead of preparing a gift list.  Myself and my partner have been living together for 2 years now and have already set up home and don't need anything for the house but we are desperately saving for a conservatory and any amount of money to go towards that would be greatly appreciated.  Is there any way we can request this but in a polite manner?

Thanks for your help

A

Not so long ago it was considered poor etiquette to include a gift lift of any sort with a wedding invitation. Newly married couples could look forward to receiving two toasters, three kettles, several sheet sets, and numerous ornaments which were destined for future car boot sales. But over the last decade times have changed and it is now a generally accepted practice to include a gift list with the wedding invitation. More recently there has been a trend for couples asking for money rather than gifts, because they find themselves in the same position as you with an already established home.

We feel that asking for money is a perfectly acceptable alternative to asking for a gift. One way of doing this is to include some information with the invitation suggesting that should your invited guest feel that they would like to buy a wedding gift, they can contact ( brides mother or other nominated person) for details.

It could then be down to that person to explain that as you have already set up your home and are not in need of any household items, the most practical solution is money towards a home improvement.

Alternatively you could provide details yourself, but this can be tricky to word politely. Some people opt for a poem but to many this can seem cheesy. Other wording we have seen which is discrete but to the point is “your presence at our wedding is more important to us than your presents, but many people have already asked if we have a gift list. As we have now been living together for two years, there really are no household items we need. We have therefore set up a fund for future home improvements which you may wish to make a contribution to”

Try to remember, the majority of guests would buy you a gift anyway, so this option actually saves everyone a lot of time, effort and worry that they have chosen the right gift and it is the most convenient option all round.

Good luck and enjoy your wedding

Q

Help!

I've got a 13yr old niece for bridesmaid but she is an adult size 14ish. Everything I've looked at is to old looking, she wants something trendyish.

We're on a very tight budget and live in Manchester. Wedding is in August and apart from getting something made for her I don't know what to do, the thing is she lives in London!!!

A

Thank you for contacting Love Weddings for advice to help you with your wedding query.

It seems you have a couple of problems to overcome; the distance between you and the age style which would suit your bridesmaids.

The simplest solution I can offer is to use a national high street chain, where you can select the designs which suit you in your local branch, and your niece can arrange to try on those designs in a branch close to where she lives. A top tip is to ask her parents to take a digital camera if possible to take some snapshots and email them to you so that you can see for yourself the dress in action.

I found some simple and funky designs on www.debenhams.co.uk with prices around £60 - perfect prom style dresses ideal for a summer wedding in a wide range of colour schemes.

click here to view a selection from their range.

Hope this is of some help to you.

Q

Do you give a gift list with the evening invitations?

A

Gift lists are something which can open a whole can of worms – if not handled sensitively. Our opinion at Love Weddings is that gift lists are a great convenience for all concerned.

It is more than likely, that all your guests will want to give you a gift of some sort on your special day. A gift list will save them the weary task of traipsing around the shops trying (and often failing) to find you something you will like. And secondly, it will ensure that those who buy from your gift list will have the reassurance that their hard earned cash isn't going to waste.

If setting up a gift list, make sure you include items of all price ranges to suit all budgets, from tea towels upwards!. Evening guests play a large part of your wedding day and we feel should be included in this modern tradition.




Q

I'm looking for unusual favours for my wedding... I've looked around but they all seem to be the same old thing.... Any ideas on something a bit different?

Thanks

A

Have your looked in our supplier's directory?

There are some fabulous ideas from some companies which may help you.

www.the-whitehouse.uk.com has some really unusual products, - we love the little china pots with your own personalised message on

www.princessforaday.co.uk also have some really unusual favours such as the personalised fortune cookies and the love heart favours Charity favours are also a really nice idea too. Breast cancer awareness pins, or another cause close to your heart, placed in little organza bags are a really nice gesture.

Q

Hi my names Laura and i would love to become a wedding planner.

I have gathered up heaps of details for weddings. And have also started producing my own handmade wedding invitations.

But i just don't know where to go from here. I was wondering if you could give me any advice i would be very grateful?


A